A Mother's Meaning of Grace
I never know at any given moment if I am doing what I "should" to be a good mom. Do I stay close? Do I give more space? Do I say something and teach or let them figure it out? Is it really that important that screen time should cap at 45 minutes? How much should I volunteer in the lunchroom at my kid's school? Should I be more strict? Should I be more "fun?" Maybe I am not doing enough to help them learn? Do I spend enough time with them? Oh, God, do they know they are loved? The running dialogue in my mind doesn't ever really stop.
Except for moments like this. The moments where I get to stop, pause, breathe, and receive.
The moments I kiss my children and ground myself deep in love. In these moments, I use my senses to capture the moment. I don't judge, I just exist. I don't try to grip, grasp, or hold tight. Instead, I let go. I let go into the connection with my littles. I breathe in the moment, deep deep deep into my lungs. I hold it for a moment, then release. As I release, I say to myself, " this is enough."
Hard part? Oh yes, there is a hard part. If only I could give myself this grace more and more throughout this mothering journey. If only we all as mothers, as women, could stop the comparing, the judging, the self doubt, and just come-BE in the moment. I'm damn hard on myself because I care. Oh, how I care. I care about my children, and I also care about the part of me that is desperately trying to be a good mom and clinging to the approval of others to tell me I am good enough, to tell me I'm worthy of this holy job of parenting, to tell me I am not royally screwing up the very lives I would do anything for. The ego longs to be approved of. The ego desires perfection. The ego strongly resists what it does not know or understand. The ego likes to be known for doing and being the right thing. The ego lives in fear. The grace doesn't come easy because I fear that if I let go too much, I might miss something important. However, giving grace to self does not mean you stop paying attention. Giving self grace means paying mindful and heartful attention AND NOT judging it. It is the soul saying, "Ego, please step aside and let me work."
With grace, you stop trying to "become" (work of the ego) and instead focus on "come-BE" (work of the soul). Your ego surrenders and you stop trying to become someone you are not just so you can keep up and avoid criticism. Rather, your soul eases into the unknown with trust that YOU are enough for your children. You don't have to be anything or anyone else. You were chosen to be the mother of YOUR children, no one else. You are perfect for them. You are perfect for you. You come-BE in the moment.
Seal the moment with a kiss and a grace-ful mantra "this is enough, I am enough."
A big giant hug to any mama that needs it right now. You are loved. You are doing your best. You are enough.