Losing Your S*** Part 1
Hello dear, stressed out, exhausted, AMAZING mama. We have all been there, the moment you are about to lose your shit! First, let me tell you that you are an incredible mama that is doing her very best at any given moment with the tools you have! It is OKAY to get frustrated, angry, sad, discouraged (any feeling really). Motherhood is not peaches and cream all the time and some days you have a furrow in your brow more than a smile on your face, and guess what....
YOU ARE NORMAL! YOU ARE HUMAN! AND YOU GET TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS!
I recently had a wonderful conversation with a member of my woman tribe about having patience. She lovingly told me she thought I was the most patient mama.
I almost spit out my tea as I erupted in laughter! God, patient would not be a word I would describe my parenting....tolerant, YES....but not patient. The more I thought about it, I wondered how could I explore being more patient, which feels more like a choice, whereas tolerant feels more powerless. I certainly don't think I have truly learned what it means to be fully patient but what I have discovered is that the process begins with me and meeting myself where I am at emotionally.
The tiny humans in your life naturally trigger your emotions. You are in a relationship, and relationships bring up different feelings. These feelings can be caused by daily moments of irritating behavior, or being tired or hungry, or they can be tied to something deeper that connects to the past (I will save the last one as a topic for another post).
Whatever is activating you, first ACKNOWLEDGE and ACCEPT it. Often, we jump too fast into "fix it" mode, which ends up tacking on guilt and shame because your feelings have not had a chance to catch up; you feel stuck or trapped. Survival mode kicks in and then you react in ways you don't want or are hurtful because you are in fight or flight.
Take a moment for a deeeeeep breath in and out. Yes, I know that sounds cliche AND it freakin works! It will calm your nervous system and allows you to shift your perspective.
IDENTIFY what you are actually feeling and tell yourself "it is ok to feel this way."
Deeeeep Breath.
ASK A GOOD QUESTION:
When you feel intense emotion, the mind tends to twist the emotional information into something bad or unhelpful. Emotions are there to help you respond to life effectively, not to pull you into a black abyss of feeling like crap or cause you to react in ways that make you look like a crazy person. By asking yourself more positive questions, you will get more positive answers and discover what choices you actually have.
-"How do I want to respond to what is going on?"
-"What do I need to do to take care of myself in this moment?"
-"What do I need to know that I am not aware of right now to make this better?"
After you have come up with your answer, respond accordingly.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
When you get frustrated with little things, it' usually because one of your basic needs isn't being met. Remember the acronym H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). Ask yourself frequently if you are experiencing any of these things. Meet your need accordingly as best as you can.
Additionally, if you are stressed, take 5 minutes to rest your body. Lay down and breathe into your belly more than your chest. Again, this calms your nervous system and stops the brain from overworking so you can bring yourself back from the ledge of whatever cliff you are on.
Check in with yourself often. Make the CHOICE to understand yourself and what triggers upsetting emotions.
As I continue to intentionally understand the anatomy of patience, I will continue to post my thoughts and epiphanies. Please post your ideas and thoughts as well AND share this with your mama tribe.