Why Mothers Need Soul Sisters
There is pain in motherhood. Pain because every day we stretch, we bend, we make space to hold ourselves, our ever-changing identities, and the bright hot energy of our children. Sometimes the growth feels too rapid, too out of control, too big and we think we can’t handle it. This past week I fell deep into the abyss of this unique expansion. My thoughts became dark and my inner light dimmed to barely a flicker. I “looked” like I had it together, because heaven forbid people see me break down. I spent a week in this place, with each day worsening and I became fearful of how I would return to the me I wanted to be. The fear led me to seek out some love from a dear friend. I knew I couldn’t keep fighting my own mind, so I borrowed the wisdom of a soul sister.
She let me know that despite my current peril, I was still worthy, loved, and honored as the human I am. The compassion and understanding she offered kept my nose above water when I felt like I was drowning.
I failed this week. I just began this incredible journey of writing and encouraging mamas from the deepest place of my heart, yet at the same time experiencing the biggest parenting struggle to date. I now have two children and I am learning how to navigate giving my attention, attunement, and expanding love to both. I am also learning how to make intentional space for myself, my marriage, and this creative path. I am overwhelmed almost all the time. I book-end my days with moments of creative energy and pauses of utter exhaustion, all meshing together as one big messy ball of fiery emotion that gets lodged in my throat. I sweat thinking about the implications of my choices and shake with worry as I wonder if I am doing the right thing for myself and my family. I don’t give myself a break because if I do, I fear shit will just fall apart, and it will be my fault.
I am a passionate and fiercely dedicated person and if I feel like I am failing, I experience chest constricting, heart pounding distress. I pride myself on keeping all the balls in the air, perfectly balanced and in order with plans in place to recalibrate quickly if a ball is giving even the smallest of signs it might fall. As you can probably imagine, the joke was on me. Life loves to throw the curve ball just as I think I have it all figured out. I have observed this lesson trying to infiltrate my life repeatedly, yet I have not fully absorbed that a plan is nothing but an organized hope for the future.
I needed a soul sister today. Hell, I need one (or several) every day but today was especially crucial. I needed a trusted person to hold up the mirror, so I could see what I already knew. I needed my messy emotions to be held without judgement. I needed to feel seen and heard. I needed another mama to cup my hands with hers and share her thoughts….and that is exactly what I got.
Mamas, we need our tribe and we need to be there for our sisters. As women, we are complex and emotional creatures that yearn for relationship. Each bond can look and feel different depending on the personalities, lifestyles, and individual gifts that each tribe member brings. Connecting with a soul sister does more than verbalize your experiences. It shines a light on the deeply rooted undercurrent of what it means to be woman and mother.
My experience today highlighted the importance of intentionally receiving love and care from someone that I wholeheartedly trust. It solidified my belief that we get to be purposeful of who we share our authentic vulnerability with.
After my conversation today my spirit felt enriched, lifted, and hugged, yet also autonomous and free.
A soul sister does not take what is not hers. Instead, she exalts what is already there.
She helps you resurrect the internal fire you temporarily forgot about.
She guides your already strong intuition and wisdom into the forefront of your awareness, so you can capture your own inherent message.
A soul sister is not an ordinary interaction; it isn’t plagued by news, weather, and gossip. Rather, it is extraordinary in every way. There is power in the freedom that erupts from your opening heart, as well as a deep receiving of love and light.
A soul sister embodies empowerment in her own unique way and she isn’t afraid to connect and honor the power of another.
There is no competition for space because she makes more room. She can back up and come close, but she never lies or omits her true feelings.
She knows that what is being shared is private unless stated otherwise.
She recognizes she is bearing witness to transformation, which is to be left undisturbed yet fully supported.
A soul sister is compassionately firm and gives the real and raw feedback that helps fuel her dear friend’s motivation.
You can see the love in her eyes and hear the fierceness in her voice, even if it sounds soft and tender because she believes in the woman she sits next to.
Who is the soul sister in your life? How does she show up for you? How do you show up for her? It is through these deep connections we find healing and repair. We can accept our complexities, emotions, and desires. Engaging a sisterhood lays the foreground to leverage the best version of ourselves and roots us into our being.
Originally, I thought I was failing, but what I realized is that I was liberating myself. Liberating myself to be me, and all parts of me. All the darkness, all the light, coexisting and accepting one another.